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Humbling Obsession

Thursday, July 14th, 2023

It’s been exactly 50 days since my last blog entry. As I reflect on these last three years, I never knew and felt just how strongly these men and women around me had an obsession. The crazy part is that obsessions usually don’t have one cause but a combination of chemical, genetic, and environmental factors. Typical signs of obsession by the obsessed may be; thinking about the other person insistently, stalking the other person online, following them around, creating relationships with those close to them like friends and family, and need to have a part in All THEIR interpersonal interactions.

Chileeeee, just crazy! For those that naturally embody a sense of youth, this will also become a bias that will become an issue preventing advancement in various areas of their life. There’s obviously a gender, appearance, and youth bias that can also be wielded against women, especially if they’re intelligent.

Some of the differences in gender bias are in-equity in recruitment, especially in male-dominated industries. I experienced this firsthand in the Army while in the 104th Maintenance Unit with my chain of command controlling promotions and sexually harassing, assaulting, and intimidating female soldiers like me in order to rank up....honey, I was put in the brig until Christmas Eve for assaulting my Sergeant over just that! I wasn't rockin' baby! I was about 21 years old. I experienced the same at 35 whole grown years old I experienced sexual harassment at FTI Consulting with an Executive named Jeff while working in Construction Management as a Contractor Executive Administrator for the Washington Metro Transit Authority under Allen Wonder. I literally contacted EEO about this man sexually texting, popping up on me, and harassing me for over a year working directly for him. They protected their interest and him and sent me off with severance pay. Gender and race round out the disparity in promotions. Then there’s the mommy tax where mothers are considered a liable investment as an employee due to their higher incidence of burnout in women. Not to mention it’s common knowledge thanks to Mr. James Brown that “This is a Mans World” and welp, male job candidates are preferentially hired over females with equivalent experience. Men experience some of these disparities racially but not on the level, women do especially BLACK WOMEN! There I said it! Let’s go on and break the ice!

WHAT IS SOCIETY'S OBSESSION WITH HUMBLING BLACK WOMEN? I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve had ex-lovers, former family, associates, third-party gossipers, yes men & women, supervisors, and comrades try and create a narrative, prejudge me, look down on me and sabotage me just because my authenticity, moral compass, vibe, and ambition triggered them! This became evident with the ways that I was intentionally isolated to try and force me to either concede to their way of doing things or their wanting me to need them in some way. Just crazy! Narcissistic behavior comes off as being obsessed and I knew this much however, fake, “Nice people” can be tricky to spot because they often come off as helpful and kind-hearted when they’re only looking out for themselves. I couldn’t understand why my female mostly and male foster cousins, co-workers, and men I’d been with had a box they put me in and expected others to perceive me as such. This was extremely weird, yet textbook sociopath behavior and I was treated like an outcast lol! Imagine me, an outcast. I must laugh because these folks were not that attractive, had poor character, and lacked a legitimate skill set and work ethic. Most of which I’d never heard anyone speak nor consider them well-rounded, evenly keeled, and respectful so I find it HILARIOUS! How can the invalid validate anyone? I know youthfulness is a prized possession that some place value on as if it’s a superpower in today’s society, including at work. Research has found that people are more likely to automatically assume you are more ambitious, intelligent, and tech-savvy when you are thought to be younger, and typically this is the case. Have you ever seen them build computers backward? Hell nah! There’s always a predecessor and historically the Philistines became known for killing their predecessors and murdered 4,000 Israelites. Interesting how far ancient practices have become learned behavior entrenched in our society and weaved into some DNA.

Fast forward and looking at all the news, events, and relationships….it seems it’s BLACK WOMEN who are being aggressed in such a manner. We are even imitated in an androgynous way by gay men, hated by gay men, and often in unknowing competition with gay men as the sexual fluidity over the last decade increasing 15%. Of all the races out here, the black woman is the least loved and appreciated. Don’t get me wrong I’m not taking credit from other ethnicities of women, I’m specifically speaking on the US statistics that the second largest ethnic group of women are African American followed by American Indians and Alaskan Natives. Let’s be clear, African American women experienced oppression with slavery, and their existence in the United States was conceived and defined in that context. In slavery, black women were treated as breeders, satisfiers of white men's lusts, workers, and considered chattel property. Sexual exploitation has shaped our lives during and after the period of slavery and being sexualized as young as children more than any other race. This is why naturally black women are treated as used, unworthy, subservient “things” to date because we certainly aren’t looked at as humans. Not even by our own men, playing us against each other, placing value on our physical attributes, devaluing our beauty among other races of women, using us for mental, emotion, and financial punching bags, deliberately under-loving us, and using us to their personal advantage. How do we tackle this issue that’s prevalent in every environment, home, office, relationship, and institution? Can we acknowledge that this is a learned behavior? Black women have had to step up in a mighty way, by increasing their education which is helping to reduce poverty in the black household, promoting gender equality, and lessening the spread of various health issues. Taboo to many I know but contrary to popular belief, sistas are enrolled in college more than any other race and gender group by 9.7% (rounded up 10%) for the first time in history sistas are leading the way!

Yet although black women make up 13 percent of women in the U.S., they are the largest group of women fatally shot by the police and 28 percent of unarmed killings. Not to mention 250 black women have been shot and killed by police over the last eight years (2015). More than 35 black women have died “mysteriously” in police custody. Over a third of Black women and girls since 2020 were known to be killed by an intimate partner or a family member. We’ve seen it time after time again like the Shanquella Robinson homicide in Mexico, Tamla Horsford murder at a Slumber Party, Kenneka Jenkins death in the Crowne Plaza Chicago O'Hare hotel, Miriam Carey being shot and killed by law enforcement officers after attempting to drive through a White House security, and the homicide of Ajike "AJ" Owens in Ocala, Fla. Society has made it clear, NO African American woman is above being torn down and maliciously humbled as I watched the berating and constant cursing of Michele Obama during her tenure as the First Lady and Maxine Waters, who served as the U.S. representative for California's 43rd congressional district during the 45th presidency. I want also to acknowledge the Honorable Abdus -Salaam, who became the first African American woman, fellow Pisces, and Native Washingtonian, Judge to be appointed to the Court of Appeals, New York state's highest court, who was found in the Hudson River deceased after heading home from work. In my opinion, she was killed before she could take her judicial seat, clearly foul play! It’s insane to think that we can have a mindset to hate one another in a world where our melanin and genetics are precious.

276 girls went missing in Nigeria, from February 16th to March 18th of 2017, fourteen young girls went missing in D.C.; Jacqueline Lassey (15), Aniyah McNeil (13), Dashann Wallace (15), Yahshaiyah Enoch (13), Talisha Coles (16), Morgan Richardson (15), Dayanna White (15), Keyara Edwards (15), Dayana Paz (14), Gladys Keitt (18), Anjel Burl (16), Seyaunna Parker (14), Osharna Pittman (13), and Winter Griffin's (10) and preceding this Relisha Rudd (8). We as black women carry 200,000-plus-year-oldits DNA lineage, encoded solely in mitochondria, a small structure in their cells, and the maternal ancestor of all living humans yet we are unloved, undervalued, compared, hated, discarded, used, and targeted. In a world of hate crimes and peaceful activism, the first step in mitigating independently is by starting with the black women around you.

Everything you see in this world is a product of it's environment there what type of environment are you cultivating around you? Observe your mental state introspectively, love does not require suffering and trauma at the hands of unhealed men. Women, stop tearing one another down and carve your own personal path and identity, stand in the gap when you see another woman struggling if you can instead of judging. Collectively, we can all do our best to show up as a pillar of support while providing them patience when a mistake is made or when they're experiencing emotions and emotional burnout.

If we can heal the divine feminine in ourselves as black women, then we can do a better job of molding the minds of our children, their future, and the community around them. Unfortunately, black women are the most underappreciated nurturers and healers of society. After all, you only get one mother in life and three great loves: ya first love (fairy tale), the karmic/intense love (second love be rough), and ya final love (unconditional). If you’re wise you will understand your power and if you’re a black woman reading this "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.” Strip yourselves of society's projections and stereotypes and societal standards.

What is a powerful quote from a black woman? I identify with Dr. Maya Angelou’s writing style and life experiences and in closing, I leave you with some of her words of wisdom that have served me well. “Let nothing dim the light that shines from within.” - Maya Angelou. “We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated.” - Maya Angelou. “If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?” - Maya Angelou. “Determine to live life with flair and laughter.” - Maya Angelou.

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